Did my open door close? ‘Failure to Launch’

When I began writing this post I did not want to reference a particular personal experience I had that led me to these thoughts a few years later. However, whenever I tried to write around it I found myself unable to freely write and painfully aware that without the inclusion, somehow, of this experience, the post simply would not be complete. 

As I share my experience I hope it will bring some relief to the tug-o-war existing in your heart because of experiences that have left you feeling dejected and unworthy [as though you cannot get anything right, like you are not good enough and as though God has given up on you] and that unquenchable, impassioned, raging desire to do God’s will and to be used of God!

Your thoughts may be running wild about the possible things I might have endured that would have warranted feelings of despondence and disillusionment, I will leave you to your imaginings but when you are done, let us look at procrastination (smile)! I often liken procrastination as a 'failure to launch' and I will use those words interchangeably here.

We have all at one point or another found ourselves fully persuaded of something we need to do; to leave a relationship, to move across states, cities or countries, to do something that God has instructed, to further our education, to change jobs, to stop drinking etc. but we often allow fear, insecurities, feelings of unworthiness, our current circumstances that we see with our natural eyes and/or the negativity of people around us to become stumbling blocks or hurdles in our paths to progress. 

Almost two years ago, I was experiencing a few changes in my life. As I navigated the emotional turmoil the death of a friend was causing, I began to seek God more so that I would be able to lean on Him for strength. My husband and I began a special prayer period where we chose to pray about at least one issue that would have been found in the subject of the day’s local or world news .We decided that there were others who were hurting as much as we were and that instead of focusing on our own pain we would pray for others who were hurting too. It was in this posture of prayer that I decided to be silent one day and asked God to speak with me about me.

It is true that, God says that He is a Rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6) and that if we seek Him He will be found by us!

He spoke to me in a special way then.  

                                                    Think about it. 

What was the last thing that God spoke to you about? Did you do it? When was the last time you made up in your mind to do something? Did you follow through with it? If not, why? 

At the time I was investing so much time on Facebook to play games to distract myself and God spoke about the fact that my presence on Facebook was to become more productive and to be an avenue to share my faith. My friends on Facebook would have realized, without any forewarning (smile), that I started sharing videos with my experiences and or devotionals that I had received in some of my quiet moments with God.  When God spoke with me about it, I was both willing yet apprehensive. Not because I was afraid to share my faith, those who know me know I am a Christian; it was the fact that I had to share it through videos. I was content being behind the scenes and I viewed posting videos as too ‘out there’ for me. I found myself trying to persuade God several times how that was not the best thing for me to do because of my personality and how He had to have known that though I am not shy I preferred to remain behind the scenes and dodge any extra attention. (As if I knew me better than He knows me!)

This post continues here, Did my open door close? ‘Failure to Launch’ PART 2 

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Until next time,
EJ
Onward & Live IN purpose